Holding On and Letting Go
by DiaryofDesire
Summary: What would have happened between DE if I wrote the show and Elena initiated the kiss. 3x10 lemon one-shot.


Opening the front door, I slowly walked outside and leaned on the banister of my front porch stairs, too many thoughts rushing through my head at one time.

Once Damon appeared at the corridor, I felt I was liable to say what was on my mind.

"I feel like a horrible person," I admitted, staring into the distance and watching the night air breeze through the thick leaves of a weeping willow tree as I let out a sharp exhale, waiting for Damon's response.

"You just saved his life, Elena," he told me, a slight tinge of annoyance in his voice and I couldn't help but close my eyes for a second because to me that was beside the point.

"Take it from me, estranged is bad, dead is worse." I understood what he was saying, but I still couldn't help but feel slightly guilty.

"I just can't stop thinking about what happened the last time I asked you to compel him," I sighed.

Jeremy didn't deserve his mind being erased like that. No matter the situation, I will always feel bad for practically being the leading cause of putting Jeremy through that. It could be for the best, but it's not my job to have someone make him forget something that he will most likely end up finding out about anyway. Then the same shit will come back around and we have enough problems as it is.

Damon stepped towards me, "He found out and he got over it. Again, not dead, Elena."

I turned to face him and he came up in front of me, slightly closer to my face. "He's so lucky to have you for a sister," he said, just barely above a whisper.

"Thank you," I replied.

"No problem," he said, a small smile appearing and vanishing quickly on his features.

"Not just for this Damon, for everything." I said sincerely, "I don't know what I would do if you weren't here."

There was a slight pause before, "You should know this, Elena." I looked at him, confused.

"Stefan didn't screw us over. He screwed us over, but he had a good reason." Now I was intrigued.

"What?"

"He saved Klaus to save me, and then he stole the coffins to get even," he told me, confusing me again.

"Damon, if he did it to protect you, why would he even do that?" I paused, trying to process and let out a breath, "What does that even mean?"

"What does it mean?" He let out, "It means I'm an idiot." He looked over at me.

"Cause' I thought for one second that I wouldn't have to feel guilty anymore."

 _Whoa, hold on._ "Wait, what are you talking about? Guilty for what?"

He turned to fully face me and took a half step in my direction.

"For wanting what I want."

 _Damn, should've seen that one coming._ I didn't know what to say so I just stood there in silence for a brief moment before I finally found what I wanted to say.

"Damon-" he cut me off.

"I know, believe me I get it. Brother's girl and all." He half smiled, though the rest of his face clearly showed he was hurting and certainly wasn't finding anything actually funny.

He turned away from me and took a step down the stairs and turned back around to say goodnight.

When he turned back around and continued to walk down the stairs, I realized that I couldn't just let him leave.

"Damon, wait." I was able to get him to stop dead in his tracks and he slowly turned around.

"Yeah?"

I walked down the stairs until I was directly in front of him and swallowed hard, my mouth suddenly desert dry.

"If anyone is going to feel guilty, it's me." I told him.

He cocked an eyebrow, looking at me with intense confusion and curiosity in his deep blue eyes, waiting for a reason as to how or rather _what_ I could possibly feel guilty about when I've made it clear to him that I only see him as a friend.

Damon is smart, so I don't think I'll need to say anything and he could figure it out himself judging by the circumstances.

When I saw him just standing there with that same expression on his face, only slightly different than before, I knew he caught on and was only not saying or doing anything because like every gentleman would, he was waiting for me to make the first move, which I was already planning on doing no matter the problems that could ensue from my actions.

Abandoning all rational thought, if I had any at all, I crushed my lips to his in an electrifying kiss that sent chills down my spine and a chill down his...yeah.

His lips responded to mine immediately and I coaxed them open with my persistent tongue and tangled with his, making me moan into his mouth. His strong arms snaked around the small of my back and pulled me closer to him as he lifted me up from the ground and I locked my legs around his waist, never once breaking the kiss.

He quickly sped us to the porch and used one of his hands to push the door open and closed and dash for the stairs that led to my bedroom.

Once we entered, he broke the kiss and set me down on the bed gently into a seated position so he could take off my shoes.

I pulled my shirt over my head, revealing a lacy black bra and Damon came back up and reconnected our lips, his fingertips dancing over my hips and my hands tangled in his messy black hair, swirling my tongue with his in an insatiable rhythm as we collapsed on the pillows.

He broke the kiss again to pull his jacket off and his shirt up over his head, wasting no time to reconnect our lips and pull me up back to up to a sitting position.

My hand went to my back to unclip my bra and pull my arms through the loops and toss it to the floor. Damon grabbed my cheek forcefully and smashed his lips into mine, his other hand getting lost in my hair, grasping it tightly but not enough to hurt me.

Once my hands fell to his belt, he swiftly grabbed my wrists and removed his lips from mine, panting frantically. "Wait, wait, wait, wait."

I leaned in and tried to kiss him but he turned his head away, leaving his neck open for me. I grasped his shoulder and planted soft featherlight kisses there and followed the trail with the flat of my tongue, earning a groan from him.

"We can't," he breathed, "You're with-"

His breathing labored, preventing him from finishing his sentence when I traced the shell of his ear with my tongue, capturing the lobe between my lips as I suckled him delicately.

His hands shot up to my shoulders, halting my movements. I looked up at him with sultry eyes and he took a moment of silence to catch his rapid breathing, though it was unnecessary.

"This is wrong, you and Stefan are-"

"Not together," I interrupted him. "Not anymore."

"You said you loved him. It's always gonna be Stefan, remember?" He quote, removing his hands from me.

"No!" I yelped, grabbing his hand. His eyes widened in shock at my reaction.

I brought his hand to my chest and let it rest on my heart, his palm barely grazing my left breast.

He didn't pull away, and instead looked into my eyes and I knew I had to act fast.

"Feel this? This right here is all the proof you need that my heart only beats for you. After everything we've been through and after everything you've done for me, we deserve to have this special moment to ourselves. I've been hiding my feelings for you for so long that I started to believe my own lie. That lie is me saying it's always gonna be Stefan. I will always love him, but I can't love him like I used to. I'm not _in_ love with him. Not anymore. Whatever we used to have is done. Over. I want to be with you, Damon," I confessed, smiling.

"God, I really don't deserve you." He said shakily, raising his hand to cup my cheek.

"Don't say that," I whispered, placing my hand over his. "You deserve me just as much as Stefan ever has and more, but my heart belongs to _you,_ and only you. Not Stefan. You."

"But Stefan doesn't know where you stand, nor does he even seem to care. Maybe we should wait for him to come back so you two can talk this out and _then_ you can make your decision," he proposed.

"Damon, my relationship with Stefan is not built to last on _his_ terms. I gave him an ultimatum, come home or go with Klaus. He chose Klaus to save you which was the right thing to do, but also ended our relationship in the process. He doesn't care or feel right now because his switch is off and there's no guarantees we will ever get him back. I'll hold onto hope that he will come home to us, but I can assure you that we will never be the same no matter if he comes home or not. I love you Damon, and I know you love me. _Stop_ fighting it," I urged him, placing my hand on his cheek and leaning in to give him a kiss on the lips.

His hand crept into my now messy hair and reciprocated the kiss, falling on top of me on the bed.

His hand ran down the full length of my body and landed on my jeans, pulling the button through the loop and yanking them down my legs.

He pulled away and pulled his belt through the loops in one swoop and pulled them off his legs along with his boxers after kicking off his shoes, leaving us both completely naked.

I reached for him and he crawled on top of me and positioned himself at my entrance, looking me dead in the eyes with a desire so strong, no one would understand.

I felt his hesitation as he placed a hand on my cheek. "Are you sure?"

I nodded quickly. "I'm sure."

He captured my lips in a searing kiss and in one hard thrust, he was inside of me, filling me to the hilt.

We moaned in usion and he began moving in and out with insistent, but gentle thrusts. I cried out in pleasure.

"Damon."

He grunt just from hearing his name spill from my lips. It was like it was the greatest thing he had ever heard and never would he hear it better than from the love of his life. Me.

"I fucking love you," he hissed, his thrusts picking up speed.

I moaned. "I love you, too. God, I love you."

With only a few more thrusts, I cried out his name as my orgasm washed over me. A few moments later, he followed, yelling my name in ecstasy as his seed spilled inside of me and I thank God vampires can't procreate.

Still half-hard inside me, he collapsed into the crook of my neck and we laid there for a few moments just enjoying the feeling of post-coital bliss.

When we gained our breath back, he pulled out of me and rolled over on his back, smiling as cheeky as I've ever seen him smile. Actually, I never saw him smile. It was always a smirk.

"That was amazing," I sighed happily.

He looked over at me, smirking this time. "Yeah, you're welcome," he exasperated smugly.

I slapped him playfully on the shoulder, giggling. "But yes, it was amazing," he said, the smile reappearing on his face.

"We should probably get some sleep, it's been a very eventful evening." I laughed at my remark.

Damon chuckled. "Goodnight, angel."

I blushed at his sweet name for me. "Goodnight, loverboy."

He narrowed his eyes at me. "Don't ever call me that again."

I laughed at his anger, which only caused him to smirk. We all know he can't stay mad at me for long.

"Goodnight, sexy," I tried and he smiled. "Now _that_ I like."

"Good," I smiled back before turning on my side and closing my eyes as Damon wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to him, whispering 'I love you' to which I repeated before falling into a deep sleep.


End file.
